Life

Let’s face it, its all about the chamois! Pearl Izumi makes THE best shorts, I’m telling you! Yet, I did wear the Sugoi [which is a Japanese word meaning "incredible] RS shorts today. They are really comfortable! I should also mention that I had my 1st flat today, too, which is what is prompting this surly post! Steven’s girl hooked me up over at Village today..on my way up to my shop [Johnny Sprockets] and I saw this poster! I searched and searched for it online until I found it! Here it is friends…

Baudrillard caught me  by surprise today with the following quote:

If you say, I love you, then you have already fallen in love with language, which is already a form of break up and infidelity.  Jean Baudrillard.

Language has a way of moving me, a way of finding its way to my heart.  Baudrillard has a way of reminding me that I indeed have fallen love with language.  In fact, I’m grateful that I have the aptitude to use language in the manner in which I’m able to use it.  I’ll keep using language, and I’ll keep letting language find its way to my heart!

The question is:  will I fall in love with that language–in that river?  Where is this river taking me?  I’m at Horse shoe falls OR the dam…

Sometimes, almost often, Western Medicine has come to the rescue.  It’s true!  Really, and I’m grateful, so very grateful!  Today marks the 15 year anniversary of my brain aneurism.  It’s quite an emotional day for me; I seem to be so aware of everything around me:  my skin, the smells in the air, the people around me, the noises, and even my scar that will be with me for life!  I’m grateful for today-truly grateful!  Today is about life and enjoy the prose of life, which is so very delicate.  I celebrate life-I celebrate myself and those who are situated around me!  I’m grateful for friendship, family, and the love that is so very good to me which is couched in the deep recesses of my heart, stirring my soul ever so softly-the craft of theology, of course!

Theology, in its variety of expressions-public, systematic, constructive, historical, philosophical, etc-has always had a special place in my heart.  It is, after all, what I know best.  I chase after meaning; I always have.  I suppose it was a bit of an existential phenomenon propelling me toward something greater, something rooted in meaning-something that is perhaps beyond me?  Yes, I do think that is what theology offers the world:  a craft/an expression of reality/life that invites us into community.

As I consider my own contribution to the world of theology/ the craft of theology, I am mindful of my framework being that of a Latin American Feminist Liberation Theologian.  I am mindful that community is hugely important and if I, as a theologian, don’t pursue the study of community and critique the ways in which the secular world is creating and perpetuating community, then the voice of theology, her gifts and graces, won’t sustain and give life to the world.  This is only part and parcel of my contribution to the world of theology, as I consider the stirring of my soul.

So, pursuing justice is walking the road of the craft of theology and re-entering the academy.  It is the what stirs my soul and captivates my heart!

I’m reminded of the tall pine trees of East Texas, the smell wafting in the air as I would head to the car for my day at Catholic School.  I was such an odd character there at St. Mary’s; I liked it that way though!  I was, of course, one of those trees who stood still in the midst of children who were converting and following suit.  I asked questions upon questions; never failing to upset the nuns and principal.  For sure, I was a tree who stood still.  Call me queer at the age of 6 or 7 when I opted out of making my first communion!  I queered my 1^st grade experience!  Interesting, isn’t it! 

Now, as an adult with 2 theology degrees, I’m learning what it means for me to be a tree to stand still.  I’m waking up feeling the trees being in different places than the piney woods.  It’s more like Lake Michigan where the waves crash up against the sandy dunes/human made beaches and the millions of pieces of sand now are standing still. 

I’m learning:  learning about the stillness of my breath, the center of my being, the watchfulness of my eye, and the peacefulness of my world.  It is, of course, where trees stand still!  It’s where cactus leaves bloom in the desert of Texas, where el Río Bravo rages against the limestone making wondrous colors that have no names, and its where Curanderas soothe the soul as you cross every border imaginable.  That is where my heart is right now and where my trees are standing still. 

Though my feet hit the Midwest concrete each day, my heart traverses the Texas/Mexico border every day; I don’t think a day goes past that I don’t find myself missing it.  It’s my home, and I’ll always remember sleeping beneath the stars of Terlingua, TX , where my body straddled the 2 countries, ideologically.  Yet, I was in Mexico-both Texas and Mexico!  It was nice to spend that time and walk that mixed or Mestiza way, enjoying the surroundings before heading back to San Antonio, TX and starting my junior year of high school and back into the ways of privilege. 

What was also nice was that I was free–that nomadic spirit was being birthed.  I can see it now!  That was a profound summer there on the border.  The borderlands/la frontera has always been an important space for me.  Certainly, its where trees stand still and where I’m able to hear the whisper of the raven come close, but its also where I’m able to hear the peace of the dove hand me the branch of the Olive beckoning me to move forward, telling me that the prose of life is good and beautiful and true.  I’m trying to trust that.

Trees do stand still.  It’s the prose of life.  I just keep falling into it…

I have a history of celebrating my birthday month!  Today I’m enjoying Le Tour de France on the 5th day of my birthday month.  Le Tour always begins on 05 Julio!  This time is a gift for me, an opportunity to sit and watch Le Tour while enjoying the simplicity of a Saturday morning!

And so, its the 5th day of my birthday month, I have laundry to do now, breakfast to eat, and a run to get in.  I also should finish around the house!

Happy birthday month for me and welcome to the month of Le Tour!  Finally!  Finally Le Tour will occupy my life!!

Today marks the year anniversary of my dad’s death.  I never had the opportunity to say goodbye.  In fact, I learned of his death via the internet on 08 October 2008 when I googled him; I found his obituary!  It would be remiss of me to not mention that he was a good father to me in the way he could be.  He gave me a good home at the age of 12, food to eat, a safe place to be from a home of violence.  He gave me privileges that I would’ve never seen had I remained living w/ Mary Ann.

And so, a year later, I’m mindful of the things that I have from him:  my nose, my personality, my laughter, my spontaneity, my business savviness, and my wit.  I miss the BBQs, and I miss the lake and floating down the river.  Though we had some hard times and we never had the opportunity to reconcile, I have nothing but love for him.

I wish you peace, dad.  Those are my words to you that I never had a chance to say to you!  I’m a theologian and as a Feminist Liberation Theologian, I seek to have grace.