Identity

At any given moment in time, the intersection of life causes an unexpected clash of realities.  Today, I’m learning the wisdom of silence, the discipline of twisting spokes, and the reality of chasing pavement.  As a more extraverted and yet intentional scholar who values a good beer at the Hopleaf, nice introspective conversation, the opportunity to twist some spokes and the contemplative & meditative way of life–that sense of awareness that is beyond oneself–there is a sense that wisdom is a well where one is able to dwell for a long period of time.  At times, there is difficulty for one dwelling or one contemplating the wisdom around the well.  

I keep returning to the the process of integration.  There is something about the process of growth and growing/introspection and the politics of identity that motivates many of my questions around the politics of friendships, the difficulty of relationships, and the wisdom of silence.  I’m finding myself chasing pavement right now, and that’s okay.

I am happy that I have met some new friends who are asking some important questions.  I am grateful [largely b/c I'm unsure what "happy" means] for these folks who aid me to find a way to wisdom, to the well, to place where I am able to drink fully.  This is both lovely and loving; it is a family whose who has girded me with the necessary tools to live life fully in a time when the San Francisco fog is thick in Chicago.

There is wisdom around the well, and there is a place for me to dwell at the well.  I find myself needing a deeper sense of wisdom.  California, you’re my fault line whose saved my insides.  Thank you!

Baudrillard caught me  by surprise today with the following quote:

If you say, I love you, then you have already fallen in love with language, which is already a form of break up and infidelity.  Jean Baudrillard.

Language has a way of moving me, a way of finding its way to my heart.  Baudrillard has a way of reminding me that I indeed have fallen love with language.  In fact, I’m grateful that I have the aptitude to use language in the manner in which I’m able to use it.  I’ll keep using language, and I’ll keep letting language find its way to my heart!

The question is:  will I fall in love with that language–in that river?  Where is this river taking me?  I’m at Horse shoe falls OR the dam…

No more hanging chads…This one is the best one I’ve seen yet!!!

Sometimes, almost often, Western Medicine has come to the rescue.  It’s true!  Really, and I’m grateful, so very grateful!  Today marks the 15 year anniversary of my brain aneurism.  It’s quite an emotional day for me; I seem to be so aware of everything around me:  my skin, the smells in the air, the people around me, the noises, and even my scar that will be with me for life!  I’m grateful for today-truly grateful!  Today is about life and enjoy the prose of life, which is so very delicate.  I celebrate life-I celebrate myself and those who are situated around me!  I’m grateful for friendship, family, and the love that is so very good to me which is couched in the deep recesses of my heart, stirring my soul ever so softly-the craft of theology, of course!

Theology, in its variety of expressions-public, systematic, constructive, historical, philosophical, etc-has always had a special place in my heart.  It is, after all, what I know best.  I chase after meaning; I always have.  I suppose it was a bit of an existential phenomenon propelling me toward something greater, something rooted in meaning-something that is perhaps beyond me?  Yes, I do think that is what theology offers the world:  a craft/an expression of reality/life that invites us into community.

As I consider my own contribution to the world of theology/ the craft of theology, I am mindful of my framework being that of a Latin American Feminist Liberation Theologian.  I am mindful that community is hugely important and if I, as a theologian, don’t pursue the study of community and critique the ways in which the secular world is creating and perpetuating community, then the voice of theology, her gifts and graces, won’t sustain and give life to the world.  This is only part and parcel of my contribution to the world of theology, as I consider the stirring of my soul.

So, pursuing justice is walking the road of the craft of theology and re-entering the academy.  It is the what stirs my soul and captivates my heart!

Sometimes when I come across things of my past, I am reminded of one word:  INTEGRATION.  Sure, that’s that famous CPE word, but its also a great word of which I need to be reminded as I continue on my journey in becoming this budding Lotus/queering Lotus.  Today was one of those days when I ran across a former colleague/classmate from college.  I won’t give names, but needless to say, I found myself remembering the times of college and my days of traveling and speaking, those iterant days.  For sure, those were days of integration as I was growing and becoming who I am now today…learning to grow into my mixed/mestiza self and claiming ME.

Each day is the work of integration.  I am constantly learning more about the world around me and enjoying the people around me.  Recently, I have been invited into a family.  I should mention that this is quite the honor!  We affectionately call this the “chimp family” and I couldn’t be happier.  This is part of the work of integration-weaving together friendships, fears, happiness, trusts, and the difficulties that perhaps could perpetuate disintegration.  I always have to be mindful of any sort of disintegration.  I always have to be mindful of the ongoing task of weaving together the beauty of life-the people who make my life worth it!

The past is part of my present that helps bring my future toward me [a sort of Moltanian way of viewing life]!  Pura Vida!  Nothing but life–nothing but the sweetness of life! 

Thanks, chimps!  You cause an abundance of joy and a greatness of laughter to swell in my soul!

03 July 2008::  12:27 p.m. I have had a long-time interest [fascination?] with the concept of dreams.  No, I’ve not spent much time with Carl Jung, but his stuff is quite interesting!  I tend to have intense dreams, vivid and in color.  Oftentimes, my dreams emerge following a word or series of statements that a person utters.  It is unusual that my dreams are evoked from something visual.  That is, my dreams are stimulated from narrative [the verbiage of life] and not the visually constructed narrative.  I find this quite interesting!  I’m not sure what it all means or how to interpret it.  Certainly, it is fodder for analysis!  And so, I’ll deposit it here and leave it here for a bit.  Perhaps I’ll return to this post and add a bit more to it?  I don’t know?  But for now, it is important to deposit that my mind is stimulated by words:  words that I hear and not see.  The mind is stimulated, for sure. 

These are some of the questions I’m living!