Early morning thoughts…

Posted by Robyn on February 25, 2010 in Uncategorized |
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Today I woke up at 4:16 a.m. Mountain Standard Time. My minidanes were needing to go outside. It was my Chihuahua mix, mainly, but my Bostie got up too. Now they’re both back asleep on the ottoman and couch, respectively.  I may join them once finishing this post.

I ventured outside in the darkness of the early morning. It was quiet and still, no sounds penetrating or disturbing my walk with my dogs.  It was nice.  Never did this happen in Chicago.  There were always the city noises disturbing early morning and late nights.  This morning, however, it was different here in Denver.  Calm, Silent, and Collective.

I thought about several things while I was outside: my academic work, my job (and how I feel under qualified and yet challenged), and the world around me. It was not too terribly cold, either, so I took my time on my walk. Chilly, but a nice walk.

The train tracks were empty–no Light Rail or commercial trains impinging or disrupting my time outside. That changed as I neared the end of my walk, though. The Light Rail flew past me, and it was completely empty. No passengers on board. I don’t think this ever was the case in Chicago. Trains were never empty.  Trains were always full of commuters.  As I peered off toward the Interstate, there were barely any cars I could see.  One or Two whizzed by in the far off on I-25.  The city was certainly asleep.

As I walked inside, the city began to become alive, albeit slowly.  Another Light Rail train flew by.  It was still empty.  A commercial train also came into my field of vision as I walked back inside.  It was slowly passing by in an intentional manner as if it wanted to be noticed.

Now, it is more alive outside, though it is still dark and early.  I’m sipping on some ice water contemplating brewing some Louisiana Coffee (coffee w/ chicory), and I’m still thinking about school, work, commitment, etc.  I’m largely thinking about how under qualified I am to be doing Academic Technology.  I feel very much challenged and supported in this hybrid space.  Oh!  I’m also thinking about hybridity.  More on that later.

I feel/think/sense that my contribution to Academic Technology is important.  But, I’m an eccentric person (i.e. I don’t remain in the establish or usual pattern.  I deviate.)–an eccentric person in that I’m a big believer in the ways in which technology can shape our pedagogical practices and content distribution.  it may even contribute to our identity formation!  I just think that technology can add so much.  But, technology isn’t perfect, and I’m certainly not fetishizing technology.  It requires a fair amount of commitment (there’s that word again).  All that said, I’m considering the important work of Academic Technology and how I can be better at it.  How I can be more committed to it.

The other thought I was having on my walk was concerning hybridity.  In many ways, I continue to face the challenges of being a hybrid in such a white dominant world.  How do I carve out space for myself, and is that even important?  In my Race, Class, Gender seminar one of the professors wondered how I identify.  This got me to thinking about my own intersectional identity and hybrid awareness.  How do I really identify?

I once thought that queer Mestizo was sufficient, then I began reading some ethnography and reflexive work in the area of Communication Studies.  I wondered then if White Latino was better or if White Mestizo was sufficient?  Where does the queer then go?  I’ve shied away from using the “a” at the end of Spanish words in reference to myself as a way to disrupt the gendered word or normative gendered expression, and as a way to present myself as queer as possible.  I don’t do it because I identify as male or masculine, but I don’t necessarily identify as female or woman–I’m not entirely sure I know what it means when people use these binary terms.  So, I use the masculine when identifying myself.  There is no gender confusion, only intentional gender disruption.

My early morning thoughts are just that…early morning thoughts.  I tend to be more reflective in the mroning, and I so enjoy quiet early mornings.  I like not having the mid-day interruptions.  This quiet, early morning is so very nice.  I need to have a commitment to more of these early mornings…tis good for my mental health!  And, its likely good for my own thinking–more clear; less cluttered thoughts.  After all, I was thinking about identity and hybridity this morning.  That’s not cluttered or messy at all!

Now time to finish my water and decide whether I’m going to brew some coffee or lay back down, preferably on the couch with my bostie, Lily.

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Copyright © 2009-2010 iRobyn|iWitness Culture|iWrite All rights reserved. This website is fueled by the particularity of community and the power of passionate Latin@ friendship. When I'm writing, its powered by Denver's own Pablo's Coffee, particularly Danger Monkey, or Chicago's Intelligentsia Coffee. This site is rooted in all things critical. Namely, the ongoing critical thoughts & struggle to live the questions, knowing that the answers reside en las preguntas. Additionally, this site is rooted in the borders of truth, goodness, and beauty, & the ongoing intersection/borderland life of a QueerMestizo. ¡Viva la Raza!
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