Are you a Boy or a Girl? The question that limits: On being gendered or being gendered

The older I become, the clearer it is to me that we are living in a gendered society, a gendered world. For so many, this gendered world is a formulation of very strict expressions of masculinity and feminity as we have understood it thus far. For others, however, gender is not as static or strict! Gender is something more of a dynamism and fluidity! I cannot help but think of gender as a type of border that we, I, have constructed. I lived a bordered life, don’t I? As I think about borders as it relates to the construction of gender, I cannot help but recall an interaction I had last week! Let me explain.

Last week I attended an open house for a Learning Center here in Chicago. This Learning Center services pre-school aged kids and specializes on the issues of trauma and recovery. So, there I was hob-knobbing w/ the elites and the little ones! I sat down at the table and one of the young kids [a boy-child] asked me the following question: “are you a boy or a girl?” I found myself so excited about this question! Wow! I have the opportunity to use my own agency and autonomous being to answer this question, which for this boy-child seemed very important. My response? “That’s a good question!” I have short hair, which I love! I wear comfortable clothes that aren’t really gender specific! So, what is it about the need to know whether this or that person is a boy or a girl? How does this question relate to our overall angst in our own gender identity?

In the mind of this young kid, I had a choice between “boy” and “girl.” Is gender this binary and static? When I think about gender, I am reminded of my traiing as a feminist liberation theologian where I took many classes on Christology where one of the main questions [that is ongoing, I might add] is whether or not Jesus was fully human and fully divine. For Orthodox Christians, the answer is yes and yes. Jesus is both fully human and fully divine! How can this question from antiquity help in today’s world as folks continue the question regarding gender binaries and the difficulty in situating oneself in the either/or thinking scheme?

I can have appreication for the question I was asked, but to be very honest, the question is limiting. The question is limiting in light of its options. Either boy or girl? What does it mean to be “boy,” become “boy” and secondly what does it mean to be “girl,” become “girl?” In an attempt to distance myself from the essentializing tendencies that ideas of gender originally was, I want to advocate for a construction of gender that transcends the gender binary of boy and girl. Do the gender constructions that are more present in generation X and generations that followed generation X more conducive to this sort of non-binary thinking? I think so, but I want to be careful not to reduce a more “progressive” understanding of gender to a segment of folks who are perceived to be “progressive.”

If I stop for a moment and think about how the images of our human community have been portrayed, I can easily recall photos and media images where the images of women evolved from the inhabitor of the kitchen to the executive! Similar images of men have emerged, though not so much of a domestic god [they are already that, right?] but more so of the ability to emobody both hard or tough and soft and gentle. Is this confusing to anyone as we think about gender? Do these images perhaps question the static nature of our now constructed idea of gender? Or, alternatively, do these images help in promoting a dynamism of gender? I am hopeful for the latter, but honestly, I’m not quite sure. At the end of the day I’m still left with one option or the other. That’s it! So, am I a boy or a girl?

I’m reluctant to answer this question, though I check the box of “girl” on forms. Is there a way to promote an expression of gender neutrality or transgendered expression that embodies the multitude of gender expressions and identities? I sure hope so!

So, was Jesus fully human AND fully divine? For the orthodox he was! Am I fully human? Today I am! Then does being fully human mean that I emdoby a sense of bot/and identifications [as I do DNA] when it comes to gender?

I welcome your thoughts.